I woke up today not expecting anything other then working a couple of hours and getting some design business handled. I worked my 2 hours and prepared to chill for the day. Then, I finally got the call I have been waiting for. A call that will literally change my life. I was approved for weight loss surgery. I was so excited I couldn’t even cry happy tears. All I could so was sit and stare out of my window wondering what my new life will be like. I was on the phone with my cousin, who by the way has been extremely supportive of my decision. ❤ Most of my family has been quite supportive. Which is great because this has not been an
easy choice. There’s nothing easy about choosing to have a major surgery to lose weight. But it’s not just about the weight for me either. I have a 9 year old son whom I need to live for. I need to give him a great childhood. He needs me to be healthy more then anybody else in this world does. I want to be able to be active with my son again. Take him places outside of the state line. Do things with him that I could never do or never could because of my weight. I want to leave my house for once and not have to take 4 Advils to prevent my back from hurting.
I recently went to Six Flags with my son & my cousins and I did not get on one ride the entire day. I was afraid to even bother standing in the line because I was scared that I might be too big. Or that the seat belt or harness would come across my belly and impact my hernia. So I spent the whole day walking around. And the only reason I was able to walk those 5 hours was because I took 4 Advils as soon as I got in the car. My back hurts so much when I walk for too long. It gets hot and goes numb. This can’t be healthy. You know what I want? I want to lay flat on my stomach. YES! I haven’t laid on my stomach in 5 years because I have an umbilical hernia. I had surgery to correct this 4 years ago (click here to read). Now because of my weight, my golf ball hernia is now the size of a grapefruit. I am not comfortable with my body. Nothing fits and I hurt. And I can’t even work out because the more I do right now, the worse my hernia gets. SMH
So I was happy when I got the call. Finally aware that I will be okay. I really will. I’m getting my hernia fixed at the same time as my weight loss surgery. This is perfect because it will allow me to heal and start working out like a maniac. I refuse to be
flabby. Plus, I actually miss working out. So I made the announcement on Facebook and received a lot fo positive feedback and support from people who genuinely care. So far, there have been two people to totally hurt my fucking feelings. Seriously, if you cannot be supportive, just don’t say anything at all. Telling me that I’m supposed to be “Big & Beautiful, the way God made you” is not helpful. God did not make me fat. Not stopping when I’m full, eating the wrong things, being lazy, those are just a few of the things that made me fat. Telling me “your skin is going to be all loose and shit”, is not supportive at all. Especially when you just tried to educate me on working out and dieting as if I don’t already know what I need to do before and after the surgery. This was not a decision that was made overnight. I have been at this for over a year. I know my body, you don’t. And I know what I need and this is it.
So please don’t shit on my parade, just be supportive. I would never speak negatively to someone I care about just because I may not agree with their choice. And if you’re my friend and you love me, just pray for me. Don’t try to make me feel bad when you see that I’m happy. This will be the hardest thing next to giving birth that I have ever done in my life. But being 31 years old, 5’6 and 358 pounds in unacceptable. And you will not tell me that I’m making the wrong decision for ME.