Well, yesterday was certainly an interesting day in this pregnancy. My morning was off to a typical start. Decided to work from home, since I was a tad bit uncomfortable. I figure that’s to be expected at 33 weeks with a 5lb baby. So I made breakfast for myself and Kimoni, got comfortable at my desk and settled in. Lunch time came and I decided to lay down in bed since I wasn’t hungry. I’m laying there playing games on my phone, like the nerd that I am, when my back suddenly started to spaz. UGHH!! I’ve noticed while pregnant, that my back spasms have gotten worse. What makes it extra worse is that I can’t even take the medication for my spasms while pregnant so I literally have to just breathe through it. But the roughest part is they always make me throw up…violently! So I got ready for what I knew was coming up, my breakfast, and grabbed a bag. Sure enough 20 minutes into the spasm there it all was, in a Kroger bag. By now, my lunch break is over, so I brush my teeth, grab my bottle of water and head back to the home office / storage / baby room. But now I’m met with contractions. I’ve been having those a lot lately too, but never close enough for a scare. Well, not yesterday! As I’m monitoring them, BOOM, they start coming every 3-5 minutes for nearly 45 minutes. OMG! I yell to Kimoni to put on some clothes so we can head to the hospital. I literally had contractions non-stop for THREE HOURS every 4 minutes. But I was only dilated a finger tip, and my water hadn’t broken. So there was no way I was able to deliver baby Zion anytime soon. Two shots of terbutaline, one IV bag, two cups of water and two hours later…we were discharged from the hospital as having just experienced pre-term labor.
I’ve never been more freaked out in my life, but forced to remain calm at the same time. I was glad that my mom and Kimoni were there for me, but when my mom left, I really felt kind of alone. Like I’m really going thru this pregnancy with no father by my side and that bothers the fuck out of me. I texted him while there, got dry responses. Honestly, I felt like I was bothering him by telling him anything, and it just shouldn’t be this hard to communicate with someone I made an entire baby with. My mind has been filled with thoughts ever since last night. I’m growing numb to the feelings, but the thoughts just never fade. I really hate that I’m doing this alone. I never thought I would be forced to remain positive and optimistic about life in general, when my heart is broken like this.