I had no solid plan for tonight. No specific person I wanted to be in the company of. No beautiful hair and beat face to apply. I literally just wanted to relax. Catching a cold last minute has helped plant me firmly on my sofa with no destination in sight. It’s not the first new years eve that I’ve spent alone, but I’m determined to make it my last. I just want my person. The person that I share my ups and downs with, celebrate new beginnings with, smother with love and shower with kisses. I miss belonging to someone. “This is my girl Monica”. I haven’t heard those words in over a year. And I haven’t had a significant other specifically on new years eve in so long that I actually typed it and deleted it because I realized it’s been THAT long. I don’t want to be alone anymore. There are a few people who have hit me up recently that don’t even realize they will never hear from me again. I wish them no ill will, but they add no value to the woman I am trying to be, so they can’t sit in my section anymore. This section is mine and it’s officially being roped off.
I hate cliché statements like “This is my year!” “New Year, New Me!” because most of the time, we say these things, switch up for all of 3 weeks then be right back to doing the same shit we did all last year and the year before. My changes for the new year are more so continuations from changes I’ve been making before the new year. And I plan to accomplish these goals in no particular order.
- Learn to love myself again.
- Lose more weight.
- Be active and exercise again.
- Stop eating meat! Bacon included.
- Date. Date. Date.
- Fall in love.
- Have a baby.
- Become a manager.
- Boss up Monica Made It.
- Start selling products on The Honey Boom.
- Either buy a house or rent a really nice one.
- Teach my son how to drive.
- Build my savings account and not touch it, ever.
- Find my happy place.
- Live in my truth.
There’s nothing more important than the last one on the list because to me to “BE” is to be all that you want to be. To have everything that your heart desires, that your mind can dream, to flourish in positivity and realize that you can have it all. To know your worth, your value and to share that energy with the right people. To surround yourself with greatness so that their good can become your good. To never quit, even when it feels like it will never be, trust the process. Trust the fucking process! And know that your process is just that…YOURS. It doesn’t have to look or feel like anyone else’s to be possible. Nobody can dim your light. You’ve got this, we’ve got this, I’ve got this! Fuck what they say, I’m doing me.