Nothing reminds you of just how alone you are, then being single on Valentine’s Day. I remember when I really didn’t care about this day at all. I can almost hear myself lying saying “Ehh, fuck a Valentine’s Day”. It took years for me to realize that the only reason that I actually hated it, was because I never had one. Even when I was in relationships, I can only think of one time that an ex got me a gift for Valentines Day. Every other relationship or situationship that I was in on this day, we were not speaking for whatever reason. It’s almost like they would all purposely…

The fact that I keep losing track of blogging regularly is crazy. I keep coming back, only to leave again. So I won’t promise that this is my return, but there are a lot of new things happening that I am waiting for the universe to finish doing it’s thing before I speak on. So fo now…enjoy the little Nugget. He’ll be 6 months on Saturday.

It’s been almost 3 weeks since Zion O’Shea Nassir Williams decided to grace the world with his presence on July 25th at 8:52am.  It was a long journey, and definitely not an easy one. Which is likely why it’s taken so long for me to gather my thoughts, and sit to write this post…in silence. I was admitted to the hospital the Tuesday of the same week for a schedule induction. Apparently, my age and weight qualified me for an induction, and my doctor was concerned about potential high blood pressure issues.  Seeing as how it had only been a month since the pre-term labor scare, I was more than…

Well, yesterday was certainly an interesting day in this pregnancy. My morning was off to a typical start. Decided to work from home, since I was a tad bit uncomfortable. I figure that’s to be expected at 33 weeks with a 5lb baby. So I made breakfast for myself and Kimoni, got comfortable at my desk and settled in. Lunch time came and I decided to lay down in bed since I wasn’t hungry. I’m laying there playing games on my phone, like the nerd that I am, when my back suddenly started to spaz. UGHH!! I’ve noticed while pregnant, that my back spasms have gotten worse. What makes it…

It’s been quite a while since I made my return and wrote my last entry here. If you’ve been around for a while, you know that I typically shutdown when things get to be too much. After that last disaster, so much unraveled that I literally didn’t know what to do with myself. Not to mention the demonic ex from hell started looking for me again *hard eyeroll* Anyway, not here to talk about that…as you can see…I’m having a baby, it’s a boy!  I want to be like super excited, and technically there is a large part of me that is considering everything I’ve gone thru.  But it’s kind of…

Here I am again, asking questions, waiting to be moved.  I am so unsure of my perception, what I thought I knew I don’t seem to. Where is the turn so I can get back to what I believe in? Back to the old me.  God, please hear my call I am afraid for me.  Love has burned me raw I need your healing. I need your healing. I’ve been such a fool, how did I get here? Played by all the rules then they changed. I am but a child to your vision standing in the cold and the rain. Lost here in the dark I can’t see my foot…

It’s hard to imagine that just days ago I was in such a happier mental space. One bad decision later, and I’ve been absolutely miserable every since Friday morning. I’m not innocent tho, I played my part in looking in something that was not mine, and for that I feel childish. Not just because I even did it, but that I even had the thought to do it. You would think I would have learned my lesson years ago when I found out about the secret life of my ex, and it’s sad that the only way I seem to find out the truth about what I’m really dealing with…