This issue ain’t hardly new but I don’t know why I never blogged about it here. So I’m going to alter it a little bit so you are reading the most updated story.
January 7th I took my son to his dad’s house like I do every Sunday when I have to go to work. Everything was cool. I got off work and went to pick him up. So he opens the door and I go in so I don’t let the heat out. As I’m standing there waiting for my 4 year old son to come downstairs, I see a girl sitting on the couch to my left. Now let me say it right now, my son’s dad and I ended our 9 year relationship January ’06. We were off and on every other month after that but I stopped having sex with him in October for good. Realized he wasn’t what I wanted and I wasn’t going to keep wasting time playing with someone who couldn’t measure up. Ok so with that said, I don’t want him. Not interested in having sex or even trying to be his friend. We’ve been cordial but nothing more then that. I know “baby mamas” say that a lot but I’m so serious.
So back to the story, I see this girl and I look at her and she looks scared to death when I said “uhh hi”. She just sat there sweating and stiff. He comes down the stairs with Kimoni and I’m looking at him like “you cannot be serious”. He felt me and started grinning and asked me “why are you looking at me like that?” so i tell him “because i don’t want my son around these random hoodrat partyline myspace bitches you insist on meeting”. Kimoni and I start walking out the door. At this point I realize just how bothered I really was because my whole body got hot and I wanted to fight. My son felt my energy because he began saying “mama I’m ready to go home now”. In the car my son tells me that the girl was there when I dropped him off earlier that morning. And that daddy was with her upstairs while he was watching TV downstairs all day.
So we get home, I take a moment to breathe and vent to my friend and my mom about it and decided to call him. I call and try to have a decent conversation and he’s huffing and puffing in the background. I’m basically explaining to him that I do not want random women around my son. I don’t have my son around any man I talk to nor are even just friends with. My son is young and easily influenced. He doesn’t need to see me with any men right now. He damn sure doesn’t need to see he dad with random women. He doesn’t need fake uncles and fake aunties. Not only that but he only see’s his dad once a week. He could at least give him a day without interruptions. So I’m saying all this meanwhile he’s silent.
ME: do you have anything to say
HIM: no. I don’t care Monika
ME: fine. But I’m not bringing my son over there if you’re going to have him around other women. It’s not going down like that.
HIM: I don’t care Monika; do what you got to do. Whatever!
ME: are you seriously choosing to spend time with a random girl over your own son?
HIM: I didn’t say that
ME: you basically did by not acknowledging the fact that I don’t want my son around your women.
HIM: do what you got to do then Monika
2 weeks later I get a message from him on myspace. His message was a response to a message I sent him a month prior and not once did he ask about his son. I go to his myspace and see a girl on his page asking him where he has been. I go to her page to see the reply and it says “I’m in the V. (Vallejo-a city about a 1 hour away from our area) at my lady friends house. I just got on to remove a wack ass pic of me and my baby mom.” I go back to his page and see this new “lady friend” as #1 in his top. Not that I care who he dates, I just wanted to see. Like I said, I don’t want him so that doesn’t bother me at all. My only concern is Kimoni. Who has been asking for his daddy for 2 weeks. Mind you, he and I live exactly 8 blocks away from each other. So he could have easily come by to see him instead of going an hour away to Vallejo.
March 3rd was the Chinese New Year Parade in San Francisco. Nataka’s dad asked me tobring Kimoni to the city so he could see his grandson. I agreed since I’ve always been cool with him. But when we get there, Kevin (grandpa) is no where to be found. He’s apparently waiting for his daughter but will meet us downtown shortly. He then calls me and says “Nataka is up the street looking for ya’ll”. I didn’t even know he was going to be there. We walk up the street anyway thinking maybe we can talk about what happened and come to some sort of agreement. Instead I spent 3 hours in silence while he tortured Kimoni with bullshit and lies. He had him ask me several time if he could go to his daddies house. Now why would he tell him to ask me that knowing that we beefing because of what happened the last time he went over? The night came to a close and Kimoni came with me. We didn’t say one word to each other the entire time.
A week later, Kimoni started crying for his dad. I felt so horrible. I swear I did. So I decided to call Nataka and let Kimoni talk to him. Maybe hearing his son’s voice would make him realise we really need to talk because Kimoni is suffering because he won’t talk to me about how we raise our son. Nataka lied to him, told Kimoni he could come over and spend the night. He’s running around jumping and laughing and I’m looking confused as hell. I call him back and ask him why he would lie to him like that. And he casually smirked, “He can come over if he want to”. I tell him “How, when you at work?” So then I put Kimoni back on the phone so he could tell him NO. Kimoni fell apart and I was calming him down so he could listen to his dad. He was telling him something to make him relax. When Kimoni stopped crying I told him “Ask if you can come on Saturday”. He didn’t hear me so I repeated it. Nataka starts laughing hella loud and Kimoni starts crying again and said “He laughing at me!” I took the phone and went the fuck off. He was laughing when I took the phone and saying “You tellin him what the say and shit, you hella bootsie!! BWAHAHAHAHHAA” We yelled, I cried and screamed on him and he hung up.
3 weeks later, I get a phone call from the call box outside which means someone is at the gate. At first I wasn’t going to answer because I was sick of my neighbors ringing me to get in the building simply because I was the first apartment. Then the phone rings again. I look at the caller ID and it’s Nataka. I answer and he asks me to come to the gate. I go outside and he’s standing there looking like he wants to say he’s sorry but his “pride” won’t let him. So instead he tries to bribe me by handing me $100. Which would usually be the childcare payment he paid once a month that he stopped paying in December. I took the money and stood there waiting. He said “Can I see the baby?”. I look at the clock and look and him and say “No. It’s 12:30am. He’s been asleep since 9pm. I’m not letting you in here so you can tease him with thoughts of leaving with you. Why would you come here this late?” I then notice he’s in uniform which means he just got done securing the chicken at KFC. He looks at me, rolls his eyes the walks off into the night mumbling. I call out “I’m not stopping you from seeing your son, but you could at least come at a decent hour”. He kept right on going.
Now in between this time I have texted messaged Nataka 5 times asking when he was going to come get his son. Every time it was an excuse that always pointed the finger at me being a bitch but him never accepting the fact that he hasn’t tried but one time to come get him. It always ended in “FUCK YOU” “BITCH”. Then more time going by where he’s not coming to get his son, I’m not taking him to him and Kimoni still thinks his daddy is “at work”.
June 23rd I woke up with the notion that I was going to try one last and final time. That I was going to break my word and take Kimoni to him. even after months of me debating with him time over and time again to come and get his son….I was going to just take him and talk to him face to face. We get there and Kimoni goes inside then comes back and tells me bye. I say my goodbye’s because I was gonna let him stay. Then I tell Nataka I need to talk to him. I basically tell him he hasn’t won and that I still feel the same way I did six months ago. I was tired of lying to his son about where he was since he obviously didn’t give a fuck enough to come pick him up. I didn’t go over there to argue, but that’s exactly what ended up happening. Rather then talk it out and come to a conclusion, he got loud with me and I got loud right back. I told him, “fuck you, go get my son“. Kimoni came out, said his goodbye’s and shortly after more yelling and arguing we left. We get to the car and Kimoni asks me, “Who was that girl”. While Nataka and I are outside yelling at each other, my son is the house…. WITH SOME RANDOM GIRL!!! Ain’t this the problem to begin with? He was just going to basically say “Fuck how you feel we should raise our son, and fuck you” and have him around some random chick anyway. :question:
- Could you ever put another woman/man ahead of your children?
- Do you allow your children to be around people you date if it’s not serious?
- Am I wrong for being concerned about who my son is around male & female?
- What should I do now?